5 Stag Pranks To Never Ever Attempt

sleeping off the beers track side
top marks go to the guy who balanced the beer glass on his head

Before plumping for the never-ever article title above, several possible titles were considered:

  • Really Stupid Stag Pranks
  • Stag Pranks to Guarantee the Bride Never Speaks to You Again
  • Ruin your Friendship with the Groom with These Stag Pranks Ideas
  • Stag Pranks to Guarantee Best Man Loses all Respect from Stag Party

The list of possible stag prank article titles goes on, as does the amazing choice of stag pranks. When you hear or read about a particular stag prank, they normally get 3 main reactions:

  • “Really?” The story is a complete figment of imagination, an over embellished story, or an urban myth doing the rounds…again.
  • “Wow, that’s clever and funny – hat’s off to the best man.” If you pull off a prank on the groom that gets this reaction, then mentally give yourself a pat of the back. If you can do this physically, then you’ve missed your vocation as a circus act.
  • “Stupid, stupid, stupid.” It’s this type of stag prank idea which the rest of this article is about.

You hear the line “Only do what you’d be prepared to have done to yourself” a lot, uttered most of the time by grooms about to go on their stag do…unsurprisingly. Let’s be honest, if you took this sage advice to heart, the worst a stag prank would get is having to buy a round of drinks. Unless you’re a complete masochist of a groom-to-be. In which case, you’d line up the following for yourself:

1. Separate Stags

The lads head off to Berlin, the stag catches a flight to New York. It’s funny for about as long as it takes to text the stag to ask him where the best bar is in Berlin. A stag do is about the groom-to-be spending a weekend with all his best mates. And his best mates wanting to spend some quality time with him. Enough said.
Alternative: Arrange a dummy stag weekend where you all arrange to meet up in the airport bar a couple of hours before take-off. Except the only person who turns up is the stag, and then the best man to tell him he’s been had. Needs to be set up properly with no leaks from the lads, and the best man needs to quickly reassure the stag he’s still got a cracking stag weekend lined up. Just not for a couple of weeks.

2. Kidnap The Stag

Whilst you’re on your stag weekend, a van pulls up, some men with balaclavas men jump out, grab the stag, and throw him in the back of the van, before speeding off. The stag is then blindfolded and tressed up by people with foreign accents. It has been known for this to go badly wrong, with passers-by calling 999 and getting the police involved. But even without the risk of wasting police time, will the stag actually think it’s for real? And if that’s the case, the time and money setting it up can be put to better use on a stag prank which will be totally believable.
Alternative: Get an actor to play an undercover policeman who “finds” some drugs on the stag, then duly arrests him in the bar you’re in, and marches him off. This happened to me on my stag do in Madrid, and I genuinely thought it was for real, as did the rest of the boys who’d been kept in the dark. On being returned to the bar after this stunt, it took quite a few pints for my heart to stop thumping.

3. Spike the Stag’s Drinks

Stories abound of adding viagra or laxatives to his drink, and stag groups sitting back to observe the hilarious consequences. This could prove entertaining for a short amount of time, but just isn’t worth it. If the stag gets an unexpected reaction or allergy to the spike, a trip to the hospital will put a complete downer on the whole stag weekend. And why risk the stag’s health, when there are plenty of other stag pranks to get him with?

4. Off With His Eye Brows

Or bleach the stag’s hair. No, no, no. Anything that might show up in his wedding photos will incur at least the wrath of the bride, and most probably his and her family as well.
Alternative: If shaving or dying hair is the stag prank of choice, there are plenty of areas on the stag’s body which won’t be visible for his big day. And assuming the stag weekend is sometime before the wedding, try a henna tattoo (or use a marker pen), or give him a good fake tan, or use some simple food colouring to brighten his hands, or ears, or other parts. Just don’t forget to get the look of shock on film/video when he realises, as this is great material for the best man’s speech.

5. Naked and Handcuffed

“Last stag do I went on, one of the lads brought along some industrial shrink wrap. We left the stag wrapped to a tree in Wenceslas Square in Prague, and left him there.” Leaving the stag naked and handcuffed anywhere in public is fine, assuming someone keeps an eye on him from a distance, and doesn’t leave him. Just leaving him to the risks of hypothermia and physical assault isn’t part of the prank. So embarrass him, then rescue him, and carry on with a great night or weekend. And cling film is a great idea if you’re not sure how well nudity will go down with the locals and police – the stag will still feel incredibly embarrassed and helpless.

So there you have it. 5 ideas for stag pranks you should never attempt, and 3 close alternatives to consider. There are plenty of fantastic stag pranks to consider, and some haven’t even been invented yet. Good luck with stitching the stag up, and please add any suggestions you have in the comments below.