5 Stag Dares for the Stag and Staggers

Love is a roller coaster the song says. Well so is marriage.  Except this rollercoaster involves strapping yourself into a life of sensible adventures; trips to IKEA, dinner with the in-laws or other married couples. Fun isn’t it?  Looking forward to it?

Well maybe there’s one last hurrah – the stag night.  And how do you celebrate future years of happy responsibility? Why with some great stag dares – just one more dare but let’s make it a biggy. Because it’s going to have to last all the way until your grown up kids drag you off to a lovely holiday in that nice resort in Switzerland, called Dignitas. Stag dares represent everything that’s awesome about being young, dumb and full of fun.  Heck the First World War probably kicked off when Gavrilio Princep tried to knock Archduke Franz Ferdinand’s hat off for a bet.

So here’s a bunch of stag dares to try on for size:

Stag Dare 1: I dare you to steal

Now this one is a classic. And it has the added bonus of giving you a trophy to remember your last night of freedom. For added fun make it competitive with each other’s theft getting increasingly wild. Start with a small traffic cone, bigger cone, and giant cone with a flashing light, abandoned bulldozer; with of course a penalty for the first person to sensibly call a halt (wimp out). Now it’s worth remembering that stealing stuff is illegal. If you’ve stolen a Christmas tree, a full sized plastic horse or something, you may well find yourself chatting to a police officer who won’t find it so funny (not to mention having to carry the damned thing with you).  And no they probably will not lend you their helmet for the evening.

Stag Dare 2: I dare you to say this!

Now this one is nice and simple. Everyone on the stag has an expression they have to use or else! This can be just one thing.

e.g. start every conversation with “Hello I’m Brian and I find you very horny.”

Or you can come up with more specific ones.  So each girl you meet: “Eurgh you’re ugly go away.” Or “Ma’am; I’m from the department for boob inspection.”

And if the bouncer decides to talk to you: “Is this the gay bar and are you coming in later?”

One of the fun ways to turn up the heat on these shenanigans is to go to bars, pubs and clubs where sticking to the script is increasingly exciting.  Rough pubs, squaddy pubs, gay bars or a mixture of all three and of course sado-masochistic dens of ill repute; with the dare being to see who the first one to say is;

“This isn’t funny I’m going home, you psychos can get yourselves killed if you like.”

Stag Dare 3: I dare you to complete this list!

A more refined version of the nicking stuff one.  It’s more like an innocent treasure hunt like you used to do when you were kids. Everyone gets a list of items they must acquire by the end of the evening.  Start small say a pint glass or ashtray from each pub visited (you really should return those the next day).  Build up to say an item of ladies clothing, then start getting more serious with a bus stop or the beloved stuffed stags head from your local. The trick is of course seeing who bottles it first.

Stag Dare 4: I dare you to pick a dare from the barrel of mischief

Find an old biscuit barrel; now write out some dares on little pieces of paper. And for more random fun encourage other people on the stag to write them as well. With each pub you visit take it in turn to pull out a piece of paper and then complete what’s on it.

These dares can range from:

  1. Sing it Gangnam style and do the dance.
  2. Do a complete circuit of the pub with your feet off the ground.
  3. Submerge your head under water (not so much fun if the nearest large body of water is the toilet bowl).
  4. Kiss the first person to say pizza.
  5. Run up the road in your underpants.

It’s probably a good idea to agree not to write anything too dangerous or at least not follow it through….

Stag Dare 5: Forfeits

You can’t have a dare without a forfeit. Probably the easiest one is just to buy everyone a round of drinks (if the stag is especially large perhaps just the stag himself?), or take off an item of clothing (with an agreed number of clothes to avoid anyone over dressing to dodge dares), or if you’re really dull a donation to charity. Forfeits are fun because they force participants to decide whether it’s worse losing their trousers early on or save them for when the pranks get really lively.

Be careful out there with your stag dares!

Of course a measure of common sense is still a good idea.  There is an urban myth about the stag that decided to carry out a mock bank robbery.  And found out that the police have a tragically poor sense of humour (and guns).  So it’s probably a good idea to plan dares well in advance, think the risks through and make sure someone stays fairly sober.

Now how would you sneak into London Zoo and shave a lion’s mane? Reckon you could? Dare ya!

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